Q: “She cheated on me! She lied to me! How can I ever trust her again?” A: Though it is possible, it is by no means an easy task and certainly not an endeavor that can be undertaken single handedly. William Yeats wrote in “A Prayer for My Daughter”: “Hearts are not had as a gift but hearts are earned.” By the same token, trust in a relationship is not to be given, it is to be earned.
Q: “Does great sex have to be spontaneous?” A: It does not. Though certainly, when it “just happens,” sex can be fabulous. When you ask around about what makes sex truly exciting, the most common response is “spontaneity”; most thrilling sexual experiences are thought to be “spur-of the-moment.” This ideal is likely fueled by our nostalgia for the early days of romantic love, when “hot” sex was supposedly triggered by unprompted natural impulses… artless. What we seem to ignore are a couple important facts about those seemingly “effortless,” exhilarating sexual experiences: neurochemistry and… yes, planning!
Q: “I can’t stop masturbating! It’s out of control! It’s ruining my life! What can I do?!” A: I would like to invite you to please close your eyes, take a few breaths… inhale deeply and exhale completely… and as you do, please imagine your life beyond the simple absence of your problematic sexual behavior… Imagine that not only the behavior itself and its negative consequences have disappeared but that you have integrated your personal values into your overall sexual experience… What do you see? To realize this vision for your sexual health… what might you need to give up?
Q: “What happens to my body when I get ‘turned on’?” A: Sexual stimulus, whether an erotic thought or a physical contact (or any other sexually relevant trigger), puts in motion a series of reactions and physiological changes that your body undergoes. These reactions are grouped into stages which in turn comprise what is called a Human Sexual Response Cycle.
Q: “My partner wants to have sex a few times a week. I’m not as keen on it as I used to be. This worries me. Is it normal?” A: Yes, it is. Discrepant sex drives in partners are a fact of life and the most common concern that brings couples into sex therapy.